Numb

I have come to the point where i don't care anymore about if you even get back to me. I have no desire but hope that you would. That maybe one day you'd remember me and i'd see your name on my phone screen again. Maybe it'll come, maybe it'll never. Either way i live without the expectation. If you do, well and good--we will take it from there. If you don't, not saying it won't hurt me--i'll just learn to do what i do best. Learn to shrug it off without a doubt and move on. I have no desire in contacting you or even at my worst days, finding out how you are. I just have--nothing. I don't look at my phone anticipating every white ringed flash maybe a potential text from you. I stopped doing that ages ago. I just don't see the point in that. I don't live for mirages and neither will i for, illusions.

I take what comes and i give--to what goes. Lets hope we were meant to cross again. If not---i wish you the very best in life. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.

The Desperate Woman and how to avoid her :)

http://halloftheblackdragon.com/reel/4073/the-desperate-woman-and-how-to-avoid-her.html

The Fiesty One

The Fiesty One. Fiesty doesn't mean Bitchy though....



You have to exude confidence to demand respect. Thats right. Demand. No one gives you anything till you project the fact that you have a right to it. And thats what this note is all about. Gonna write both gender's takes on it, all the Ladies and Gentlemen tagged in this-shall appreciate !



Right ! Lets start with the Gents ey ;)

Men. Their DNA. Power. Those are 3 words that i have recurringly seen and dealt with in the same sentence. A man who exudes power gets EVERYTHING in this world. THATS RIGHT---EVERYTHING! The wealth, the women, the wine. Everything. Power is an aphrodisiac to women. Every single woman wants a powerful man. Powerful however doesn't mean controlling. I speak for every woman out there when we ALL say we hate controlling men. However a lot of women sadly decide to stay with men who control them. Not because they like it, but because control is a negative side-effect that is linked in with dominating men. Dominant men are a whole different ball game. They are the attractive powerful ones. The worst thing in this world is when a man gives away his power to a woman. All men are born with innate power. The difference is most happily give it away for a slice of a woman's attention and then you come across very rare finds that are kind to a woman but he doesn't let her have HIS power.

Thats the most desirable type of man on the entire planet.



There's a quote i famously use when i meet a guy (who is usually average) who complains about his lack of success with women. "Attractive (because men always aim high!) women see men like cars. Cars are everywhere. But its only once in a while that her head does a double take and flips around and thinks to herself...Hmmm...interesting." Then i question the man in his own terms. Would you look at a Ford Mondeo twice ? He usually (almost always!) says "No". I ask him "Why ?". He replies "Its an average car and every third person drives it out there!". To which i say "Well then, till you transform yourself into a Bugatti or a Maserati, good luck on having any luck with women". Being a Bugatti doesn't mean you have to be wealthy or famous. It just means you are a class apart :)



Now to move onto the Ladies. If a woman ain't fiesty-you're boring. And which man wants a boring woman. Just like at the beginning of the note-Fiesty doesn't mean Bitchy. It means you don't take any sort of shit from him and he knows you as the girl who'd smack him upside the head with a frying pan if you caught him cheating. He isn't scared by that. Rather he knows his limitation and how far he can push you. Always create boundaries. Achieving a man's respect is 100 times harder than his love. Because men are taught to respect things of value not people that feel the need of constant validation. So, being fiesty is an essential asset !



Well it's time for me to stop mieowing. The neighbours might hear me scratch the wallpaper off ;)

The Challenge

Right. Firstly condolences to my original note who passed away during the internet deciding to sell out on me just as i had finished my note and clicked Publish. R.I.P Note :(

This fabulous note is being written by the fabulous little me (modest, much :P !) again. As has been described. All about the Insecure Man's Ego. The Who's, Why's, Where's-Oh hell you get the picture ;)



We ALL have our insecurities. Be it a weakness, a personal internal battle or a thumbscrew-each person has one. None so more than the insecure man who THRIVES on his ego. His ego being his existance and all he knows. Men run on the 3 C's Autopilot. Control,Challenge and Conquer. A man HAS TO BE in control of a challenging situation and conquer it. Now personally, i have never got in the way of a bloke trying to solve a problem. Men are problem solvers by nature. Well how exactly did you think that back in caveman days (not like much has changed except we drive and wear clothes) men brought food home? The empty stomach was the issue and the problem needed to be solved.

Now the Insecure Man is often tested in life. Facades are put up and fortresses of barbed wire run closely around his emotion so much so that often he isn't sure how to compete with others. Problem is, some of us go through life with a yardstick measuring ourselves aganist EVERYTHING we can possibly find. That becomes a major issue in the thing that tests this type of man-the most. A UBER-STUNNING-JAWDROPPINGLY-ATTRACTIVE....WOMAN! This type of man can easily compete with someone who climbs higher, runs faster and drives with more speed. Thats all the things an average man feels he can compete with and make him (and more importantly-his ego) feel inflated.



The deflation (just like our miserable unfortunate economy) comes with the type of woman mentioned. This type of woman is EVERY STRAIGHT MAN'S DREAM! Men LOVE having this type of woman on their arm but 9 times outta 10 have no CLUE what's to be done with her. "Do we make her stand there and we can stare at her?"..."Do we worship her beauty?". Mind you, i don't blame guys. Beauty.Intimidates. And that's because that men deep down secretly beileve that if it aint the most alpha of alpha male rolling out with such a looker on his arm-he doesn't deserve her. I've never seen anyone question Denzel Washington or some 200 pound American Football Linebacker saying "How's a brutha out with such a FINE honey!?" . Because dudes themselves class him as powerful,wealthy and of physical character (tall,strong, handsome etc). The insecurity comes when men find themselves getting edgy because everyones checking out this hottie on his arm. He feels Proud. Vulnerable and Terrified. It isn't easy that it ain't only you whose got your sights set on this FINE woman. Hundreds of other dudes, just like you-have.



The Challenge ain't about being in this type of woman's life. Its about making your mark and staying there.

My Life

I have come to realise how fortunate i am. I may not have the world's riches or material wealth but i have abundance of the soul,mind and heart. I have people who love me and people who care about me. People i am fortunate enough to have bumped into on my own. Sometimes this world is all about loneliness in a mental cage. Its nice to have peace. Nice not to feel pressure or heed to what anyone says. Fabulous to wake up minus relationshit issues and feel like a new woman.

Nice not to pay any attention to society, people with aimless chatter or those with malice in their heart toward you. Murderers, rapists, liars and thieves. People who murder your loved ones, who steal your peace of mind and soul and murder any happiness you may have had or will have. No i am not remotely tipsy as i write this as all you readers may assume of this nonchalant nonsense, its Hallows Eve and i came back early from a party. Just exactly how does a person sleep at night knowing they have killed? Their own...? You sick twisted people...even God has no mercy on you.

Its great to be independent, earn your money, drive your car and live your life. Nothing is beyond me, i once again realise. Its fabulous as i don't need to answer to anyone or anything. I live my life how, where and when i want. If i fancy booking a flight to God knows where, i will. I'll go to the airport in 2 hours and catch my flight and make new friends on the plane. I'll learn a new language, marry a man i fall in love with and have a life. A life, thats right i said, a life.
To often , young women like me are dogged by family, society, rules and stupid other things that ruin a female's happiness.
Not me. I'm not. I never have done and i never will.
Everyone has an opinion about me. I don't expect anyless. Just keep the nonsense you read about me to yourself. After all, that's part of my job and my oh my-don't the press like to gossip... ;)

I am one hell of a fabulous woman and ALL the credit goes to my mother. She is an AMAZING LADY!!!!!

Blessings in Disguise

Blessings in Disguise.



This statement can only and is only used when we figure out that the path we aspired to take, was wrong. Gravely wrong. Something where left would have stayed left and didn't become right would have been a real issue in our life. Sometimes we cry and question why we feel so much anguish and pain at the time but as the infamous saying goes "Everything happens for a reason", is completely true. Because in that, we have been taught a lesson, perhaps one we understand and yet still-if we fail; then we are forced to feel.



Blessings in Disguise(s) aren't something that are revealed overnight. It takes time, effort,dedication to find out why what went wrong, went wrong. Sometimes, if we're patient enough (not really known to be human nature), God opens doors for us Himself. And that day, as in my previous poem "Unanswered Prayers", we surely do learn the Universe most definately knows whats best for us.

I once had a friend whom whilst i was on the train, phoned me crying. She said she hadn't got the job that she had prepared for, for over a month. She cried until her eyes were raw red and nearly lost her voice when i saw her later that night and as i sat there, she snarled. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE A MASSIVE GRIN ON YOUR FACE FOR NADIA...I TRIED SO HARD FOR THIS AND I FAILED...!?"

I simply sat there and smiled at her and said " God has better plans for you. You may not beileve it. He does." And i let her cry. Rejection is a bitch, it stings...We all sadly know.



5 months into this situation and one day i got a call from an ex-colleague who so happened to work for the same company that my friend got rejected from. Later that evening, over dinner she told me that the boss whom my friend was to work for had been arrested and charged with rape and other sexual assault(s). He was known to prey on young attractive interns. My friend fit the description. I sat there and thanked God several times over for saving her. 2 days later i went round to her place and gave her the news. She was stunned, floored and gobsmacked. I asked her " Are you still sad you didn't make the cut?" She shook her head relentlessly and said "I'm so relieved and grateful i was saved...it was torture at the time but we can't see the future babe!". I replied "But God..can."



Another time when someone goes to Prison is a remarkable one. It either changes you, forces you to think of the person you are and the exposed stain that you have chosen to leave your family to bear through society's backchat or simply makes you more violent and ranking with Baphomet. Relationships, also a key factor. When someone chooses to walk out of your life, it usually tears you apart. You search for answers wondering and wishing they were given. 10 times out of 10, that person wasn't right for you. There IS someone out there not perfect albeit but right for you. And thats what counts.

You'd rather find out now and curb the hurt than make a commitment (not only on paper) and chance the gamble at the table. Simply isn't worth it.



So, on a concluding note. Let me say it again. EVERYTHING in this life happens for a reason. Learn to be thankful more for your tears than smiles because that water teaches you more direction than your gleaming sparkly teeth to the world, ever have or will.

The Altar

He stands at the Altar,

Knowing what happens next-will falter,

His teeth gleaming in the sunlight.

Inside-his heart puts up an undying fight.



She's stood there, beautiful and pristine,

Cool and fresh as listerine,

She loves this man, She loves him so

Little does she know how low he will go.



His heart crumbling under the pressure,

Waiting, knowing, wanting-all the lesser,

A sugar coated quinine,

Someone should tell her what should be seen.



She beileves he's good and pure,

No one can tell her otherwise, she's sure,

The other side of the coin so dark,

Something that will be left on her soul as a mark.



He loves another lady,

All this marriage a sham and all shady,

He's left with no choice

Is she called Louisa, Liz or Lois ?



She cries tears of joy,

Clueless of him and his dark ploy,

The want, The need and The greed,

This man's demonic nature is like a seed.



A seed it is, a seed it will remain,

Married though he may be,it'll always be a strain,

He does as he pleases,

One,two-he'll have as many main squeezes.



The Altar is a sacred space,

She respected it in all her white lace,

He came there with malice in his heart,

And malice it will be to her-just like an infected dart.